131 posts.......121 pounds!

my mind is lost
my soul is gone to God
i dont know where im going
i dont know what im doing
all i know is that im breathing
and i cant take any more of this fighting
i cant take your promises
i cant take your sorries. what am i supposed to do?
i do, i love you. i dont want to admit it
i dont want to hurt you
but i dont want to be with you any more.
im twenty one
i want to LIVE
i need to breathe
i need to strive for life again!
this life is drained,
this body is totalled,
mind is numb, my eyes are red,
i think im just better off dead.
im sorry this is all me
but its always been so much about you
your violence, your cigarettes your house
not mine, dont tell me its mine
it was never, in the past nor will ever be in the future.

so forgive me God,
for leaving my Angel.
My beautiful Angel please dont forget about me
please forgive me. i love you so much
this world has too much to offer
this world isnt meant for us
~~
i want a fucking gun
right to my fucking head.
i cant do this, not fucking again.
i cant keep crying
cant keep wanting to die
i need something new
i dont know if i dont need you.
i dont need your bullshit
i dont need your pitty
i dont need any of it,
because i know how you really are.
im sorry i have to do this,
i promise we'll meet in an after life
we're meant to do something together
why did you pick this life time, God
his age my age. you really want us to suffer
this is supposed to make us stronger?
laying on the floor, starving and wanting to die!!!
i dont know what to do god
i dont know where im going
i know i need you god
i dont think i need the Angel.
i need to understand God
in which some thing no one can tell me
but its something that can never be said.
WHAT IS ALL OF THIS SUPPOSED TO PROVE GOD
how does this make us stronger?
im supposed to be helping everyone when they dont help me
i dont know what im doing
i dont know where im going
i dont even know if god wants me any more.