i took, two weeks to get that back but i did. i ate a bit more during the day. the last two days we've aten around 12 so i can go without... till the next day. im empty now. like, yes im empty i got the metalic taste in my mouth. u know what i had?? THREE PEICES OF PIZZA! fucking EH! it was .. blurrrghhh! fuckin yuck! you know ill be honest. i dont know what to post any more. im withdrawl back into my head, with nobody but me and my mixed up words. i dont know what else to say. i've posted 133 (this will be 134) blogs, in the last what? almost year. any one have any ideas on what i can post for more pictures? not triggering things, things like... what i've posted before. i wont post skinny bitches, i dont do pro anything! people say just eat, dont we wish it were that easy? to enjoy food once more? to beable to take that extra bite.. well guess what? its not about staying strong, we're far from that. your not strong if u want to starve yourself if thats what you want, you have fun dying. mother fucker!
CW: 122
GW: 119
thats triggering too.
since i moved i havent purged and i havent lost any. but i can hide food a bit easier, not hide the food itself i mean get away with not eating durring the week cuz dad dont usually cook heres a poem i wrote its kind of cheesy:
The Nothing That I am
i dont need me i could waste away into the nothing that i am go back to heaven and do it all over again because i have no heart, hes already ripped it out... i want to be the nothing that i am. Today, I am going to go to the sky fly far away from you, from this world. I wont be back and you wont hear from me again. Because today my life starts over again. Because I want to be the nothing that I am, to show you that I have everything that I have. I don’t need you, I don’t need the shit, you can take it, have all of it I don’t want your words. Because I want to be the nothing that I am. I need to be nothing. Because, nothing is what it is supposed to be and neither am I . because, no one can answer my so many questions. No one hears. All they hear is the typing on the keyboard. You never saw my tears, you never heard my voice. Not until heaven, not until death… not until the end of us, then we can have us. Then we can have something. We don’t need eachother because we don’t have anything. I don’t need me, I could waste away into the nothing that I am. Go back to heaven and do it all over again. Because I have no heart, hes already ripped it out. I want to be the nothing that I am.
~~~
i could have writtin that into so many forms like this:
I could waste away into the nothing that i am.
I want to be the nothing that i am
I want to starve, i want to feel death on my door.
I dont need you any more.
Be my Strength AnnaBethany
Be my weakness MiaMarie,
Show me, that i can be
the nothing that i want to be.
this sadness is eating at me.
i cant just leave it alone
its do or dont, die or live.
Eat or Dont,
One day of perfection
away from starvation
One more Purge
thats what i always say
My mind is nothing more then a block of mush
who is gonna push? Anna, Mia?
My two natural born enemies.
these words consume me
yet i have nothing more to say.
i dont know what else that could come out of my mouth
to make anything change differently.
Let me waste away into the nothing that i am.
I Need to be the nothing i need to be.
I dont need me, no i dont.
I could die happily
at 65 pounds.
~~~
soooo which is better? i just made that up like just now haha.
sooo i had 'dinner' approx. 1:15PM we're drinkin tonight soooo nothing till tommarow =)
One Day Of Starvation Away From Perfection
~Ninesouls
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