stupid stomach

i had breakfast 12:30, a small bowl of cereal (cherios and whole milk approx 2cups of milk 1 of cherios) i had some crackers with mild cheddar cheese for lunch and dinner had 3 sausage links and an egg. worked out for an hour after that only to eat a small peice of apple pie and more milk... blue berry jelly with ritz crackers, 2 of them. my stomach had that 'hunger pain' though i just ate an hour ago. those crackers with jelly, even a peice of apple pie ! a lot of food.. looking at that its too much and im not even hungry now.

thats allooooott of foood ! had to try to the jelly .... was stuffed, felt a bit guilty for my stomach almost more plump then my breasts wanted to get sick but only knew that my boyfriend would hear me hurling and the taste... 

i;ve read 'pro ana' sites and they are sad. sad sad !! people going through anything like that, even depression should get help. i've never ever gotten help with mine and look where i am. i struggle everyday, wanted to die.. sleep, i dont want to clean any more, walk or dance. its taken over my mind again and i hate it

i want to hear my sister say im thin again and my boyfriend to say i look good. he does not say im pretty, or barley sexy. he will if he knows im down about it. i hate that, too. i feel almost alone, in this world. and this time, i dont think i can do it again.