holidays were OK. except that i loved dads food too much and went up to 151.... isnt that terrible... today has been a battle, images of "thinsporation" inspire me to eat more (sounds silly huh but i dont want to look like that, fake or not) not that i under eat but i really really really want to. gaining weight is making me depressed but that just makes me turn to food and mope.
so i've turned to exsercising. a little sore today but all in all good. didnt sweat much but im used to working out, walking and dancing so it really wasnt much. everything jiggling made me more depressed.
sorry if im 'all about me' maybe thats why i wrote this, maybe thats why i found this site. to know that im not the only one that battles with something in their head. voices that say your gross your fat... others saying theres nothing wrong with it .. you can be 150 over but not under.
i went to the doctors before christmas (23rd) he did not mention my weight (was 147 at the time :[ ) maybe he can help direct this issue. but i really dont want to 'cut out bad foods' because i've realize it makes a lot of poeple want to sneak or binge/purge more, this, gaining more weight. i want to enjoy food, just not as much as im consuming. which i dont count colories, maybe i should.
ready to kill birds....
good night oblivion
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