big people

what would we be if this whole world was skinny? would everyone be perfect? would everyone look just the same, act the same, talk the same? what would we be if we all looked alike? ..

i see fat people all the time. people even still call me fat even though my loved ones, bf and we all know it dont matter to our animals, 600 pounds, 20 pounds, they all need us they all do.

i've been called fat by my own sister for most my childhood, and quite honestly, its really not a nice thing to do. i know your not fat, but most 'skinny' people pick on them. this really wasnt the subject.

i look at big people and tell mysellf, "see, i could be fatter then that" or " i thought i was a big girl" i guess you could say it makes me feel kind of better about myself, because it could be worse, if i hadnt 'cut bad' i probably would be over 200 pounds. but im really trying not to fall that hard but when you can stop or atleast slow down? try to get these agrivating voices out of my too much words filled head. i hate my brain, i think too much 'too opinionated' as one teacher put it.

on a whole other subject.

i've never spoked about God. As His name is in This World. i do believe in him. i wish i could tel the whole world what this old soul realy is. i've done something wrong ( i think i stopped believe in a previous life so i was sent to a family in this life that didnt believe) everything whizzes around in my head and so many words and thoughts are gone, already filed away.

this is based on a true story:

my boyfriend and I had a fight one night, we both flew some pretty nasty shit around but in the end i was out in the garage to cry freely and talk with God, i asked him, "how come your presence isnt around me when i need your comphort most?" his presence was around a few times, i was mad at him at this point because he wouldnt, then i kept repeating that i wanted to kill myself to come back home. i really did, i wanted to go back home and have my soul ripped apart so i would never have to deal with this life and that hell. all i heard was a faint, 'child, i love you i love you' then i did feel him, i felt him sweep my soul of the tears that wouldnt stop.