ok..

i really did gain two pounds this time. fucking night binging leave me a lone ! i was my 136 goddamned food.

so i found out that a few people read and 'like' this. thank you i really wasnt expecting any one to read this, let alone like it or keep reading it. just low on paper and im tired of asking for more.

i was thinking, i've been the same thing since lastnight: that i have a bit of a 'hoarding' problem. i refuse to throw out any of my poems (since i was 12, all the boxes were since i was a ltitle girl) i get upset if threatened to 'recycle' but i really cant bring myself to do it. those millions of peices of papers in there are parts of my life put down in boxes mixed with years of junk i cant throw away because of the memories. i was always sad or in 'death mode' when i wrote those. to be quite honest with you, for many many years, my depression secluded me from my friends, because i did not want them to see the pain in my eyes, which i tried to hide, but days were tough and people werent nice so thats what i did: paper was my bestfriend for the longest time. i wrote and wrote, doodled and doddled. its all i had. i was too ashamed to tell any one else of my deep sadness. my father figured it out sooner or later but denied it. i think he realizes now what happened but even before then i learned to deal with it : through paper.