love is pain, love is gain love is there then gone again.

i cant believe i ate it. a jr dulux and ham and cheese melt. we had onion rings and uh, curly fries too. What is God trying to do !? i am not going through this for nothing. for all that fat to melt back onto my already fat enough ass! i was debating on wether to weigh myself or not, because i felt i ate too much AGAIN. yesturday, before dinner, the scale finally slipped onto 137. i woke up today to find it back on 138. but i decided TO weigh myself to find that bitchy little scale still on ONE THIRTY EIGHT =) not a damned pound !!

i will have to think about it, mostly because ill have to dig the shit out, my poems i was going to post some here. im not sure if i should. i really wouldnt even call them poems. none of them rhyme, they are just a bunch of words scrambled together to make sentences. as i've posted before, paper has been, still is and always will be my bestfriend and the only thing i can truely confide in. here ill post this one.

this is from back in 2008
i woke up today
in a pool of pain,
Praying For God to me away.

All these thoughts running through my mind
all your words screwing with my mind.
Just thinking, were you ever truely mine?
My heart lay in peices you dont even see them
whats going on? are you playing me? am i your pun?
another one, up and gone
not sure what to think.
WHY ARENT YOU GONE!?
stop saying you love me then acting like you dont.
stop making me believe that you and me will never fall apart
it hurts too much to believe how much you love me.
when your going to let everyone else get in the way