ONE THIRTY...FIVE!

it is...1:05 AM. i have not aten since 5:30, i had 3 oz steak and half cup macaroni salad. this after noon (when i had weighed myself this afternoon) i was 137, i had aten a little chocolate. but i weight myself just now, 135 ! i think i can finally say, i can do a 24 hour fast... i shouldnt sound so excited, i know right ! but i cant help it. my mind says im starving but ana[beth] says your getting skinny.

and i cant help but believe her because when i lay down, my tummy is flat, i can feel my hip bones and my 'love handles' are going away. i know, its shamefull it makes me happy but it does. seeing my bones, i know theres no fat ! NONE! woo fucking hoo!  so another fucking pound of fat gone! im tired of looking at my china chin in the mirror. when i get my hair cut, when i brush it when ido my teeth im tired of it. i can see the bones in my hands and i like it. i can feel my waist bones, my collar bones and ilove it. i cant stand my hips, above my waist. they're not as bad as they used to be. someone told me ' you need to work out' like i dont try to. i take take of an elderly. i take care of a fucking house, im not 14 years old and just have to worry about school and cleaning one room. i have a whole house, i have 3 cats a dog and 2 birds to take care of. tbh i dont have much time for annabethany but i make time for her. in my head. i do, but i dont want to. i dotn have the money for her disease. but i listen, she still ignores. because she knows i HAVE to eat. that i want to eat if not for myself for my family, friends, animals, nephews neices. and im sorry your so far gone you can not think of atleast that. this is a selfish disease. if you cant think of yourself think of others. what would it do to them? how would it make them feel? how would u feel if THEY did it if THEY had it? if THEY didnt ask for it if they wanted you to leave them alone, that "its not your life, its theirs' hmm? how would it feel? i know how it goes. my sisters, both were drug addicts. i know they are getting better but how long? how long will it be until they get back into it? theyve been in and out for so many years i only wish and prey. i know how it feels to watch someone waste away and its not a beautiful thing. its NOT.

oh oh ! im drinking too ! cherry Dr.Pepper and BACARDI !! 135!!