kind of freaking out in my head. i want to purge, honestly. this isnt right.. this isnt gods way. tommarow is a new day. i dont know what we're having for dinner. tonight we had had ham and potatos. which, i only had 1 oz meat and half up potatos. 11Pm rolls around and i had 2 nuts.. more and more. wound up eating.. well ill just say too much. JUNK! i shouldnt have at all.
latley i've been punishing myself by not eating at all durring the day. i feel if i can get away without dinner, i can go without it all night. i really want to do that but im not the person to waste things. (stupid huh) though im starting to kind of freak out. i didnt at all today, i dont know why i binged now. my stomach was growling three hours after i had dinner! at 7 ! thats BAD! then to binge at 11pm. i cant stand myself. i dont know why god put me here. tommarow.. is a new day. it'll be around, 15 or 16 hours without food now. i dont durring the day any more. and i wish i could not do that at night too!
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few minutes later..
i weighed myself with clothes on, it was 134. i just did without its 132. ill do what i did before. which REALLY motivated me. Not weight myself until i am 130 WITH clothes on ! i did it when i was 145, i didnt weight .. eat at night and VERY little durring the day.. until i was 143 and i have 140 without. i actually did that until i hit 135. when i got to 135 i got TOO Excited and started logging. Weight (when i get up) Lunch: (instert or cross out) weight(after lunch) dinner: (instert how much) weight(after dinner) night (inster night ingest or cross out) and final night weight. so it is:
1weight
(1)lunch
2weight
(2)dinner
3weight
(3)night
4weight
start over every day. im gonna stop doing that too until im back to 130. and no weighing, no logging, eating at night (dunno about day we'll see) until im 130 WITH clothes on.
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