today

my net was messed up so i had written this in my microsoft office.

I fucking HATE myself. I cant even starve RIGHT! This is fucking rediculous today, I had a little over 200 cals and its not even goin on 3 yet! (2:31pm) I mean, your right it shouldn’t be a big deal right? WRONG! VERY FUCKING WRONG! Im gonna eat dinner, 2 oz chicken and/or 15 cal salad. I just really want the salad, I’m not hungry for hot food. Plus, im gonna fast tonight. Im so sick of food and the scale is almost on 126! Goddamn it! Tonight… tonight, nothing. Tommarow, nothing. Nothing! Im fucking freaking again this is insane! and july 16^th theres gonna be hella food! What am I gonna do !? I don’t want to ruin all that I’ve accomplished. All the stomach pains I’ve went through, the constipation, the fatigue, moodieness.. I didn’t put myself, nor any one else through it for nothing!!!! Fucking compulsions. I hate this life. This fucking world SUCKS! If we were all fat, and skinny didn’t exsist, what would we fucking be then??

~~~~
well today, i didnt have a whole ice cream
cone but i had a few bites off mikes. for
 lunch i had two crackers some chips a
 couple peices of really small chicken
 (we're makin chicken salad for dinner
 i guess) im full i ate allll day, not much
 probably not even two-hundred cals. as
 i write this my stomach is starting to hurt.

 i could feel it shrinking earlier before i ate.
so tonight, i told mike that im too full for
 chicken that i would just have some
 salad; come dinner ill say "im still not too
hungry so ill eat later" but i wont eat,
anything. im not empty yet, and i feel like
purging really bad but i wont. because
from this time, 4:04 PM to 5PM
TOMMAROW im not touching a fucking
morsole. twenty five hour fast OH and 124,
HERE I COME!