could i have stopped it? it started out with a diet. then it came back with ten fold depression. is it fake? is it? did I WANT this !? i HATE reading about poeple who thinks its a choice. a life style. then theres ones who tell poeple who are really sick that they're faking it. and thats BULL. any one who WANTS to starve themselves in the first place are seriously FUCKED UP.


all it started with was a diet, two months ago. to stop eating at night, thats it. i never ate much durring the day any way i always did at night. i thought "well if i can stop eating at night then ill defo lose weight" i was losing 3 pounds a day =) unfortunatly, because my eating habbits have changed so much, i;ve hit 137 and it wont budge. i eat once a day, if i drink ill eat some crackers or something. i dont think i could bring myself to eat more then that now. Last year it started. i ate when my stomach hurt now it just doesnt bother me at all now. i thank my boyfriend and friends who are around me all the time to make sure that i can not hide food or anything. This is just my beginning and i hope it stays THIS way. of me not being able to hide food. my boyfriend wouldnt want me any way if i got too thin. then you ask yourself, "well why is food so bad" and the only asnwer that comes up is " IM FAT  i've aten too much of it already i dont WANT it any more." last year it was like that too, just not this bad. the depression i've suffered since i was pre teen does not help.


if any one posts on my blog that it was my fault, im going to fucking hunt you down and kill you.