i was having one depressing day.. i finally laughed ! my cat was runnin up to come in the dog came soon after and her tail was poofed out lmao mike looked (the bf) and said "she looks like a skunk" idk maybe just in the moment im still smirking about it.
today, has been nothing but loundry and reading about EDs. i read because i feel im in the throws OF it but im alone. very very alone in this. im glad my boyfriend forgets i have depression, he dont treat me like im sad he treats me like a normal person he shoves food in my face and i think itd look worse if refused it. i thank him for that though because if it werent for not having privacy, it would go full blown. i wish someone would read this and say "im here for you.." but i doubt it. people always judge and say "its a phase, its fake, shes fine" maybe it is fuck im hoping it IS but WHAT IF it isnt? im gonna try to fight to feed my body but in recent days, i've been calculating HOW im going to get rid of my dinner. i always disapoint myself when i think "ok dinner, nothing in the next 24 hours" but then i feed my body and feel worse. even though i know i need to eat during the day when im most active, i feel that eating at night has filled me for the day, i know it doesnt though i know i need cals no matter what. but i cant help it. im so scared of getting FAT again that i just cant bring that much food to my lips.
please someone hear me.
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