i just tried the best mashed potatoes in like forever lol ! so, there goes my 24 hrs (it would have been two days if i figured out a way to get away with it) im pretty much forced to eat because i have no privacy to go into another room. i could go downstairs but i think everyone would start noticing, or my boyfriend would find it.

let me just say this: i hope to all you little pro ana girls that think this is a fucking choice, get off the internet, go get a boyfriend, and stop making people who have SERIOUS problems look like they're faking cuz thats all they're doing. thats IT. your not pretty when your skin and bones, and if you think so then get some help you poeple are seriously fucked up to think: that looking like a holocaust survivor is pretty. get fucking real. would you like it if you felt like you have no one? that you were alone with your starvation, with your depression. no, your just lieing to your parents and all the ones around you thinking that ED is a fucking life style.  ANOREXIA is NOT a life style ATLEAST get your own goddamned name for your little fucked up sense of life. like, "fasting is a life style" now THAT would sound A LOT better then "pro ana" who the fuck is pro anorexia inless they've had it, still battle it and suffer. my heart goes out to everyone. i know how you feel, alone, weak, fat, worthless.

before i hated food, i ADORED IT. i didnt know that binge eating or "emotional eating" was an eating disorder.

Perhaps as many as 6 million Americans suffer from night eating syndrome, or NES – a newly-identified eating disorder. An individual with NES obsessively consumes more than half of his or her daily caloric intake after eight o’clock in the evening. More significant is the further finding that more than 33 percent of morbidly obese individuals (persons who are 100 or more pounds overweight) are affected by this disorder.
Dr. Stunkard feels that night eating may be a way that people with an underlying mood disorder such as stress, anxiety or depression, may be trying to medicate themselves with food. "This snacking may be a way for these persons to medicate themselves," speculates Stunkard, "because they eat a lot of carbohydrates, increasing serotonin in the brain, which in turn, leads to sleep."

thats what i did, atleast 5-10,000 cals a night. all night in one sitting.

right now everyone is eating meat loaf and potatoes. mike said (with a hint of shitty attitude) "you should have made more mashed potatoes theres hardly shit here" so i told him to take the rest that im not hungry. there goes dinner out the door. my stomach is begging me to eat, i think it knows its going hungry for the rest of the night. so fucking alcohol and im ripping him a new assshole tonight im tired of his shit. I DONT DESERVE THIS LIFE.. then again who does ?