old to new

i just read the first post i ever posted. where all this of this started. when ana started screaming at me. .. i've always been taunted. i was even bisexual at one point because (well i atleast i think and im sure im not wrong) i was so big and no ... even decent looking guy would want someone that looked like me, 172 pounds at 14, eww !.. i did have some friends oh yes, god bless them too. heather laura casey ashley britney adeana and melcom all lived near me but didnt judge me. i was a fearless person back then, no one wanted anything to with me....but at home... i was the one that was being picked on ( to be clear i didnt pick on others, when others picked on me i never backed down) i felt .. alone, abonded by my mother. fueled by my sisters ignorance and hate towards me.. only the 'weird' ones approached me. Depression fueled my anger and hatred

it really wasnt until i had gotten that flu bug that made me drop so many pounds did i realize NOW that ana was already leaking in. 

i see how people who have had anorexia or bulimia for years and blogs .. well their blogs .. i understand its meaning, these younger folk who are these 'pro ana or pro mia' its shitless bullfuck. but how about someone who is truely starting to fall into it? could they be .. persay saved, or just taunted more and fueled to starve their already starving bodies. what if you have to eat because theres people always around, no way to get out, or not be heard to get rid of it when they want to..... when they just want to freaking scream, for someone, just SOMEONE beisdes anabeth to screaming at you.... just to get you tangled.. what then?