my mind is spinning with too many to post any. a million at once, one only heard every fucking milisecond. no, im over my mothers death, i just get sad knowing ill never get a call from her or ever see her beautiful aging face. I missed my time with my mother, so dont waste yours.
i honestly dont know why i'd wrather post here about everything, im getting bad with telling people whats wrong; i feel my own boyfriend dont even care any more. my heart once red and filled with love from my father and boyfriend (not the same kinda love i hope u know that) is going back to stoned from a long dreary past of almost 11 years ago when my sister beat me when i was child. (please never post my blog on facebook or anything my whole fucking family is on there ) she denies it oh yes. everything bloomed there. RIGHT that day... that she never hit me again. i really need a cigarette and ONCE AGAIN he didnt fucking leave me ANY goddamned stupid men.
one minute im pissed off the next im crying, its un believable. then i get into a mood inbetween, where im laughing, but only at misery and what not. another cylce thats gone on for years. i seem to filled myself with hate again.
my good reason for my fucking smoking its more deeper then people think. its not just a 'dirty habit' (well it is but its more then that) it fills me with warmth. something i dont feel inside my body, emotional warmth i mean. cigarettes give me that. humans really dont fill me with anything. i fucking hate people. im starting to DESPISE the little peices of shit now. cigaretets cant leave, discriminate, bitch, judge put me down or any of those negitive things. the only thing it'll do is give me cancer, now thats a ligitmate reason to smoke, right?
IM NOT YOUR FUCKING PUPPET K !? fucking KAY.
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